I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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