Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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