My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
