Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
