your parents love me but you hate me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
