you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
