The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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