I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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