Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
