my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
