I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
