we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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