What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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