planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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