i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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