he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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