Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
