Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
zippers are such a cool invention
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i've created a new STD.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I lost the right to judge tonight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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