im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh god it's open bar.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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