its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
