My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
