so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
