Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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