Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize