Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
