two words: eviction party
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
