dude i'm inner monologue high
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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