she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
