I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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