I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize