the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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