At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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