you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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