therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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