You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
