you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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