Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
