I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
