I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
