i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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