Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
