no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
