so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think my mom watched the whole time
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
