she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
