Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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