yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
