what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just pee around me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
