I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
smell my finger.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
