and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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