i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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