you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
