Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
