i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
