I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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