Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
