I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
