He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like iHOP with fire
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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