hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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