Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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