girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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