Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize