apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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