i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you had me at cake vodka
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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