just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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