After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
